Obstacles & Goals
Imagine you are standing in one spot - happy as anything, you have everything you need and want.
You have no issues, no barriers, no problems.
Now, imagine you want to get from A to B.
Now you have problems, challenges, things to solve.
For example, I am at home but I would like to go to another town. To get to this town I need to find my keys, get in my car, check it doesn’t have a flat tyre, has enough fuel, that I have the location the where I am going. In this instance I will have to cross a mountain pass, go over 7 one lane bridges, and through 3 small towns. There is a chance of rain. I also know I might come across road works and you never know what else might be happening on the roads. That is if I am driving.
What about if I want to walk there? Well now I need to make sure I have the right shoes and a sun hat. I need to plan on where I will stay as I will likely not get there in one day.
Or what about if I bike? Well first I need a bike!
There are two points to this:
Obstacles are a result of having a goal.
Values or rules can give rise to different obstacles in trying to get to the same goal.
Obstacles are a result of having a goal
When I was at home there was no issues I had nothing to content with. Nothing to worry about. It was just what it was.
When I decided to do something - that’s when there was something I needed to solve.
By virtue of having goals you will have obstacles.
That you have challenges and problems is NOT an indicator that you don’t deserve the goal. It’s part of it all.
We have to pay attention to the parts of us that try and say that having issues means something. Parts can up all sorts of stories. They can put meaning on things that really aren’t there.
Just like us they aren’t that most comfortable with uncertainty.
Values or rules can give rise to different obstacles in trying to get to the same goal.
If I choose to get to my destination in a different way - either because I hold a value (want to reduce carbon emissions) or because I am in a competition and there is a rule that I can only walk - then the challenges I face change.
Values, what we choose can shape the path for us. Changing our values doesn’t get rid of all challenges and obstacles. But it can help us shape which obstacles we want.
Sometimes we set rules without even knowing it. These are the beliefs we have, sometimes called limiting beliefs.
And sometimes the rules are set by others. But we need to know when it’s our rules, and we can change it, versus when the rules are set by others and we need to decide if we want to abide or break them. What consequences do we want?
If you want something, you’re going to have obstacles.
It easy for parts of us to see these obstacles and put a lot of meaning on them. We can get caught up in trying to heal the parts that are rightly activated when we set out towards a new goal or on a new path.
But this focus, or some might say obsession with not having obstacles (that is that we need to heal all our parts first to have the life we want to live) is simply the distraction strategy of other parts.
A means to keep us away from something that seems scary and unknown.
Many other therapies, and therapists will get caught in this trap. Sucked into the game the parts are playing. It’s so easy to do.
So if you notice that you’re fighting the existence of your obstacles, rather than strategising on how to get through them - pause. Notice the parts that are telling this story. Step back, and redirection your attention towards how you can address the obstacles and challenges that you have.